Asserting your own needs (i.e. saying no to people-pleasing!)

A few weeks ago I got a really bad headache while I was hosting guests at my house for dinner. I tried to fight through the pain and stay at the table to be a good host. But at a certain point, I decided that I didn’t need to stay at the table and I could take a breather.

I went to my room and spent a few minutes on my bed breathing slowly and trying to send myself messages of safety like Alan Gordon talks about. And… something amazing happened! Just that simple act brought my pain down from a 7 to a 3.

It was a good lesson in setting boundaries and saying no to people pleasing. I needed to recognize that my wellbeing mattered more than being the “perfect host”. Taking the time to take care of myself made all the difference. Then I could return to dinner on my own terms, when I felt ready.

Do y’all struggle with people-pleasing and setting boundaries? What tips do you have?

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Oooh. This is a good one. Really hits home.
I feel like I want to print out the words: “It’s okay to take a breather!” to remind myself.

Thanks for sharing @Amital

I tend to be pleaser too and it’s hard for me to set boundaries. What if someone decides they don’t like me anymore if I set a boundary with them? Waaahhhh! My pain levels started improving once I decided to let go of worrying so much about what others think of me and deciding to live as my authentic self. I was just tired of being the person who seemed to care more than anyone else. Those feelings of frustration helped me gain enough impetus to start saying “no” more often. Also, getting older has helped me feel free to put my own needs first sometimes.